Maggie Takes Us for a Walk

If anybody other than nate reads my ramblings, you must be shocked I wrote about something other than Maggie.  Fear not!

Today (now yesterday, as in Wednesday), we took Maggies for a walk around the neighborhood.  It’s a beautiful spring evening in Iowa (no, that’s not an oxymoron).  We used to walk with her a lot when we lived in Sioux Falls because that’s the only way she could go to the bathroom.  Now our backyard is the world’s largest conglomeration of sewage this side of Floyd Boulevard and the waste water treatment lagoons by the I-29.

Going out tonight, I forget that you need a strategy when walking with Maggie.  By this, I mean, you must be prepared for anything and everything.  Maggie, in her favorite pink harness and leash, runs out ahead of us.  We make it past one house before she squats and does her business in the neighbor’s yard (of course, I’m sure they saw us as they sat right next to their very large, open windows).

Now let me stop for a minute.  If you know Maggie, and even if you don’t, you must know this — her ego is bigger than she is.  Plus, she hates almost everything that lives.  Her list of people and animals that she likes, she could probably count on one paw.  Maybe that’s exaggerating a little.  She is full of love for those she likes, but if she doesn’t know you and decides she does not like you — watch out!  Some of things Maggie does not like:

1.   Any sort of delivery person (pizza, sub, UPS, FedEx)

2.   The mailman.  She REALLY hates the mailman.  Any house we lived in, she would see the mailman a block away and try to attack him.  It’s something about the uniform, she identified him right away.  We got a new mailman when we moved, hated him, too.

3.   Teenagers

4.   Rabbits

5.   Squirrels

6.   Birds

7.   All our neighbors

8.   Dogs

9.   People who walk dogs

10. Homeless people

11.  People who call her Pugly

You get where I’m going with this.  So when you take her out in public, it can be difficult.  Her social skills can be lacking.

On with my story about out walk.  We get past two more houses and of course, Maggie decides to mark her territory again.  At the house on the corner, two very nice beagles live.  Maggie does not like them.  She hears them and of course, begins barking.  So we pick up the pace to get past that house.  Then we start to realize she is peeing a lot and she already went to the bathroom.  That’s when I notice, (CAUTION: This may be offensive to some people) nothing is coming out.  I don’t know if she is doing this to make us look bad, or if she wants everyone in the neighborhood to think this is her turf and see her marking it.  As this continues, we come up on another problem.  To our left and heading toward us, a family walking with a very large (probaby 90 lbs.) dog, to our right, also our way, a slightly smaller (maybe 80 lbs.) dog.  Maggie is torn about which one she wants to take on and begins glaring at both.  We bolt across the street to an empty lot and Maggie tries to get back across the street to attack the 80 pounder.  I’m sure these people couldn’t figure out why would we try to get our tiny little pug away from them.  But I truly believe, no wait, I know Maggie would take on both those dogs, I thinks she’s got enough fight in her to do some damage to them.  You should see her take on nate’s parents’ Great Dane Max!!  He just stands there and takes it!

We avert that crisis, then come upon a motorcycle (Maggie hates bikes), so that requires dashing across the street.  Another dog shows up and of course, Maggie believes this is her chance to prove herself, until we get that dog out of her sight.  Then there’s some guy just walking.  She goes after him, nate stops her.  He keeps walking behind us.  Maggie, getting tired at this point, would look back every so often and give him her Ouday eyes.

Our last fiasco of the evening, we see three sweet little girls getting ready to cross the street.  Maggie sees them too and does not like this.  But her attention is quickly diverted and we can’t see her temporarily as she goes under a tree.  I can hear her battle cry though as it mixes with the yip-yap of another dog.  When I see her again, she’s body slamming a chain-link fence trying to get at a very small dog who’s owner is now outside apologizing to us for the ruckus her dog is causing.  If she only knew.

The Aftermath: Maggie & nate worn out and ready for bed after our walk.

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