Miracle (Grow) Maggie

Who needs Miracle Grow or Chem Lawn with Maggie around?  She spent the last seven months terrorizing the neighbors and chasing rabbits in our backyard, all to benefit us.  Who knew?

Let me back track on the this backyard story.  Maggie loves the backyard in our ‘new’ house (we moved in September 1, 2005).  It’s made for her, with trees to hide under, ledges to jump on and off of, and fences to throw herself at.  It also comes with a lot of rabbits.  Even in the winter, these rabbits show up, mocking Maggie.  They stare her down, some times sending silent rabbit taunts.  I can only imagine what these furry monsters must be thinking (is this sacrireligious to be trash talking a rabbit so close to Easter?  Oh well.).  Some times she sees the rabbits before we do, other times we see these long eared demons and point Maggie in their direction.  Either way, off she goes like Superman on a mission to save Metropolis, bolting off the deck, flying past four steps and barking.  I imagine there to be a dog-rabbit conversation something like this:

Maggie: Die you evil, hideous, Satanic freak of nature.  Get off my land.  I will kill you, your children and children’s children’s children.

Rabbit:  Who do you think you are little dog?  Just try and catch me.  Haha!!

Maggie: Do not infuriate me, the great Maggie, anymore.  I will put a stake through your heart, tear your ears off with a spoon, pee on your bleeding skull, boil you until you turn into marshmellow, cover you in sugar so you look like a Peep and serve you to your children.

Rabbit: I’m faster than you and I will be back.

At this point, the rabbit slips under the fence and Maggie slams herself against the wire several times.  Upset, she does the next logical thing — she sets up her poop perimeter.  It’s a story for another day about how Maggie poops and pees, but it’s a very precise and laborous situation trying to find the perfect spot.  But when a rabbit angers her, she goes through her crapping ritual.  There’s poop all along our fence and a line around the flower bed.  If you played connect the dots, like on the old PeeWee’s Playhouse, you could literally draw a circle around the entire backyard.

Maggie also does some strange business under the deck.  I think when she finally does catch the rabbit, she will keep its body under there.  While working outside last weekend, we found a skeleton hand from Halloween and part of a doll she stowed under there all winter.  How this happened or why, one can only wonder.  It is part of some larger, more diabolical plot to kill the rabbit or take over the world?  Hmmm…

Our neighbors must consider us crazy because when Maggie does go out, we cheer on her rabbit hunts.  It’s like we’re watching Gladiator, standing up on the deck, looking down at two great fighters.  Of course, we’re too good to step down into the ring, we might get poop on our shoe.

Looking back on all of this, when you save money on fertilizer, who’s going to complain about a trash piling up under the deck, legions of rabbits infiltrating the yard or upset neighbors?  At least our grass is greener.


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